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With all due respect
Dear Justice Antonin Scalia, You are a punk. The condescending and caustic hyperbole of your opinions—especially your dissents—is an insult to your fellow Justices, not to mention the Congress and legislatures whose laws you so frequently and snidely mock, nor the citizens of the United States, for whose intelligence you so frequently show so little respect. This letter was occasioned specifically by your dissent in U.S. v. Virginia, 518 U.S. 515, in which you superciliously suggest once again that the majority has created an entirely new U.S. Constitution, simply because its interpretation of a part of that document differs from yours. Puulleeeez! You obviously like to think of yourself as a smart man, but you too often write like an overeducated grade school bully. Don't you realize that the condescending smirk etched between the lines of nearly everything you write only reduces the credibility of your opinions? Don't you understand that when you exaggerate your opponent's position, it only weakens your own position by giving your reader cause to doubt the sincerity and reliability of what you write? Even if I were to agree with your arguments at times, you force me to resist that impulse merely because those arguments come dressed in a costume of egomaniacal elitism of the most insulting variety. Get over yourself, will you? Sincerely disagreeing with you and your massive ego, -ambimbPosted November 9, 2004 05:10 AM | 2L
Come away with me and be mine.
Posted by: Mary at November 9, 2004 09:34 AM
"Don’t you understand that when you exaggerate your opponent’s position, it only weakens your own position by giving your reader cause to doubt the sincerity and reliability of what you write? Even if I were to agree with your arguments at times, you force me to resist that impulse merely because those arguments come dressed in a costume of egomaniacal elitism of the most insulting variety."
Could this post itself be construed as exaggerated and elitist?
How would you react if a liberal justice wrote in the style of Scalia?
I respectfully dissent, since I enjoy reading the opinions of Justice Scalia, and since I agree (mostly) with his views on Constitutional interpretation. But this dissent comes as no surprise to you. :-)
Posted by: JR at November 9, 2004 09:54 AM
Oh yeah, and let me acknowledge that this post is satirical in nature. There is always someone who feels the need to point that out to me.
Posted by: JR at November 9, 2004 10:01 AM
Scalia, a grade school bully?! Puulleeeez! Sir, you do a great disservice to grade school bullies everywhere. :)
I find it incredibly ironic that he quotes the "Code of a Gentleman" and extols its virtues, yet doesn't seem capable of abiding by it himself.
Posted by: -Dave! at November 9, 2004 10:34 AM
I remember the first (maybe only) time I agreed with a Scalia opinion. I was disconsolate for a week!
Posted by: Shelley at November 9, 2004 11:17 AM
Mary:
Keep your internet hands off ambimb.
Sincerely,
M (a.k.a. L's sister)
Posted by: M at November 9, 2004 01:43 PM
M, let us do the gentlewomanly thing and have a duel. Closed memos at dawn! ;^)
Posted by: Mary at November 9, 2004 06:30 PM
"The condescending and caustic hyperbole of [his] opinions—especially [his] dissents" is what makes him so interesting to read! I'm not saying I agree with him on issues. In fact, I typically disagree. But compared to the dry, monotonous, sleep-inducing writing styles of other justices that we read every day, his come as a breath of fresh air, despite the fact that I tend to disagree with the substance of what he says. I'll gladly read mean, condescending, and controversial opinions over those that I end up falling asleep and drooling on. (And yes, this is word for word what I wrote in my own blog, but I'm lazy so I simply cut and pasted)
Posted by: Ex at November 9, 2004 06:33 PM
Ex: I certainly agree that Scalia's opinions make compelling reading, and they might make great additions to some work of fiction. The problem is, he's not writing fiction -- he's writing decisions that basically shape what this country is and does. Even his dissents are influential because groups that disagree w/the majority look to those dissents for ideological sustenance and for tips on how to proceed next time.
So I guess the potential effects of what he writes outweigh the bit of enjoyment I might get from reading it.
Also, I submit that one of the reasons people like reading Scalia opinions is because he often tries to reduce complex issues to simple issues -- his exaggeration is often in the service of dismissing important questions or complications, sweeping them away with some rhetorical flourish that makes readers go "wow!" and distracts them from the fact that he's just made a baseless logical leap. Yeah, that's good writing -- it's like magic. But does it serve the best interests of America? I suppose those who agree w/Scalia's view of the world might say yes...
Posted by: ambimb at November 10, 2004 08:15 PM
