Jolanda eats a grasshopper. Why? Is that little grasshopper really going to make the difference on the first challenge? Oh, she's a lawyer. Coby immediately starts trying to make alliances and plot the first person voted out. Why? Does he want to be the first person voted out? Oh, he's a hairdresser. Koala Jeff (or is he Old War Battle Jeff now?) shows up and says they're going to get rid of two people immediately. Yikes! Ian and Jolanda get to choose teams, just like in gradeschool for kickball, boy-girl, boy-girl. Oops, but then their picks get to pick, just to mix things up even more. The field narrows and Crazy Wanda is one of the first to go. I now owe L. $5 b/c she bet Wanda would be off the show before the hour was up and she's been proven correct in the first 15 minutes. (Note to self: L. is never wrong!) Sad music enhances the melodrama, and some of the remaining survivors cry over losing “friends” they just met two hours ago. Yes, your lives are hard. Boo hoo. We get blue and brown buffs and everyone is all tribal now, except that they're going to continue to share the same beach. Whasup w/that? Tears from those picked last, while we get some reflection about the makeup up of the tribes and what their chances will be based on age, athletic ability, and number of nose rings per capita. Oh, and how many models. There are lots of “models” and “actors” here, so the vogueing challenge is going to be hard fought, for sure. Challenge! Military items, obstacle course, canoes, paddling and flags and racing to shore! Hooray! Immunity back up for grabs and the immunity idol is revealed. Covet covet. Lots of googley-eyed coveting going on. The big challenge is: “Do we take the food and water, or just the fire?” The H-team votes for just the fire, and the O-team falls behind bringing food and water. They'll be cold, but well-fed? Paddle paddle the canoes, tongues hanging out with exhaustion as H-team cruises to an easy victory. H-team wins immunity and gets to keep its fire. Ah-oh. Tribes have to split up. H-team chooses to head to the new beach. Was this a good decision? Um, well, first we have to tip over our canoe and dump our reward on the bottom of the ocean floor. Excellent. O-team decides to vote off the tattoos, which sucks, because I like tattoos. But then Jolanda starts bossing everyone around and effectively paints a big fat target on her back, so, um, who will it be? I know you're on the edge of your seat. I am. But my anxiety is spiced with the sound of the snare drum that they've added to the usual Survivor soundtrack to remind us that we're on Palau and there were big battles here during World War II! Oh, wait, we're at tribal (council, that is, but all the cool kids just call it “tribal”). Jeff schools the team on brains v. braun, Jolanda says she wants to be team dictator but not really, and tattoos says her head is on the chopping block. Vote vote votey vote, putting the little papers in an old ammo box because, did we mention there were big battles here during world war II? Oh and the snares! Tappa tappa tappa. The drama! Edge of seat, private! Votes are being read. Tattoos. Jo. Tattoos. Jo. Who will it be who will it be? Tattoos does some mental calculations, the tide shifts, and Jo's gotta go. Sadness all around. Koala Jeff gives a little lesson about making decisions and flying right, and that's it. So yeah, it's another Survivor. I have to watch, but now you don't. See you next week. Maybe. UPDATE: See also Changing the Rules of Survivor on Crooked Timber.