Notes on applying for bar exams*

Dear bar exam application designers (aka Brilliant Ones):

Thank you for the many wonderful hours of fun you've provided in designing your bar exam application processes. At first I found some of the questions you asked a little insulting. For example, what business is it of yours whether I have ever had a divorce or had a marriage annulled or set aside? That affects my “character and fitness” to practice law precisely how? But then I realized that I had an entirely wrong attitude so I just put on a happy face found it much easier to understand and appreciate the brilliance of this process you have designed. Let me count just a few of the ways you have made my life much better.

First, I'm glad you want to know every address at which I've lived since I was 18. There have been 17 of them and it was fun to track them all down. Thanks also for making it so stupidly difficult to enter all that information into your webforms. That was fun.

You've actually made the joy of filling out poorly-designed webforms nearly infinite, thanks to the fact that you provide so very many such forms for my entertainment. While I appreciate being able to submit a copy of my application online, it easily takes five times as long to fill out these web forms as it would to simply write out all the information by hand. Thanks for that pleasure. I really had nothing better to do with my whole damn day than fill out webforms. And if you doubt my sincerity, just look at the fact that I'm actually paying hundreds of dollars for the privilege of this pleasure and you will doubt no more!

Speaking of web forms, thanks for requiring me to submit my application electronically and requiring that I print out multiple copies and mail them to you. I like doing the very same thing multiple times in multiple ways. Redundancy is such a joy!

Oh, and speaking of redundancy, the fact that you require me to apply for the right to apply for the bar exam is a stroke of genius. I just worry that perhaps you're missing a step there; wouldn't the process be much easier for you and applicants to manage if you required us to apply to apply to apply? It's just a suggestion. I figure if one redundancy is good, two is better!

Of all the pleasures you provide with this application, I think the multiple forms requiring notarization are among the most exquisite. I especially like that you want me to get two barred attorneys to vouch for my character and to do so in front of a notary. It's really not enough to ask them to sign the form and mail it in; it's much better to ask them to find a notary and pay to help me apply for the bar exam. Very thoughtful of you, really.

Thanks for asking if I have any outstanding parking tickets. The answer is no, but I can totally see how that would be crucial data in determining whether I'm fit to practice law in your great state.

Also, I hope you have fun with the fingerprint cards I had to pay a surly “law enforcement officer” to help me create. It's nice to know you don't believe me when I say in answer to your many questions that I have no criminal record. I mean, we all like to be distrusted and second-guessed, and you're doing an excellent job of that!

Finally, thanks for asking for so much information about all of my current creditors (e.g. mortgage, credit cards, auto loans, student loans, etc.), including the balance on each, as well as wether any are delinquent or disputed. I didn't even know all of that information and you know, I was sort of thinking I was happier in my ignorance. But now that I know for sure that I owe more than $170,000 to various large corporations to whom I've granted the right to charge me exorbitant interest for probably the rest of my life, I realize that knowledge is power—and all thanks to you!

In short, jumping through the many hoops required to sit for the bar in your state and then being able to pay so dearly for the privilege—well, I just don't know how to thank you for allowing me to have this experience. I'm definitely looking forward to the exam and to working with people smart enough to develop such brilliant ways to welcome new recruits into their profession.

Sincerely,

The Imbroglio

*Not all of these great ideas were found within the same bar application process. Instead, I've assembled here a collection of some of the most brilliant requirements from a couple of applications. If you've ever applied for a bar exam or looked over an application, what were the most brilliant parts for you?

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